marketing to scientists will give Red Bull new wings

“I don’t always drink rocket fuel, but when I do, I prefer Red Bull.”

I hereby offer Red Bull a unique opportunity to sponsor my science career:  I’ll drink Red Bull while giving talks at scientific conferences and at my eventual Ig Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony, while Red Bull pays me lots of money. Scientists will immediately realize how cool Red Bull is and start buying it en masse.

Below I list four reasons why scientists belong among Red Bull’s sponsored elite:

We perform the biggest stunts

Scientists know how to publicity stunt. (The Effectiveness of RNAi in Caenorhabditis elegans Is Maintained during Spaceflight.  Etheridge et al. 2011).

We understand Red Bull’s customers

Scientists know which genetic features contribute to high caffeine intake. (Genome-Wide Meta-Analysis Identifies Regions on 7p21 (AHR) and 15q24 (CYP1A2) As Determinants of Habitual Caffeine Consumption. Cornelis et al. 2011).

We worked out Red Bull’s I.Q.

This scientist knows that Red Bull’s marketers are the smartest people alive.

We explained gravity

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